


broken

by villiageidiot



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-05
Updated: 2011-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villiageidiot/pseuds/villiageidiot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine's waiting for Kurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	broken

It starts on the Dalton Academy main stairwell.

The kid stops Blaine and he's immediately drawn to him but not exactly sure why. Sure, he's attractive and all but it's more than that. This kid smiles easy and stands out among the masses, which isn't something Blaine realized he was looking for until he's in front of Kurt who's undeniably standing out among the masses. Kurt's the kind of person who could try his damndest to blend in but he'd never quite pull it off and for some reason, Blaine's intrigued. He's _interested._

So he holds Kurt's hand and runs down the hallway and blatantly flirts to him via song in front of fifty people. It's over-the-top and cheesy but Kurt seems to enjoy it and Blaine gets the distinct feeling that this kid doesn't get flirted with all that often.

And then they're having lattes and Kurt's almost crying and just like that, the stage is set. He and Kurt are friends.

And then they're sitting on the McKinley stairwell and Kurt's confiding in him -- confessing to him -- and just like that, Kurt has defined them and what they'll be. Blaine's now his mentor, nothing more.

Kurt's broken and until he's fixed, Blaine can't be anything more.

:::

From then on out, everything's as obvious as a TV movie. Kurt's literally never met another out kid in his life and not only is Blaine available, he's _nice_ to Kurt. It's really all Kurt needs.

Blaine knows Kurt will crush hard. It's normal and natural and completely predictable. He can feel Kurt's eyes on him during Warblers practice. He sees the way Kurt smiles at him, sees how easily he flushes.

And Blaine knows he'll crush back because how could he not? Kurt makes dry jokes and Blaine can't help himself but to laugh. Kurt's smart and kind of captivating and has an intense voice. Blaine's reminded every single day that even with the uniform, Kurt can't help but stand out. He doesn't know anyone like Kurt, never has. And sometimes when Blaine's brooding and acting his age instead of pretending to be the well-adjusted adult that he tries so hard to be, sometimes he wonders if he ever will again.

So Blaine sings to him and gives innocent friendly touches, comes running when Kurt needs him. It plays out just like Blaine assumes it will.

He knows that Kurt will get past it once the next gay kid comes along, new and shiny and fascinating. When it happens, Blaine won't take offense because it just makes sense and he knows it. And Blaine will get past it because they're _sixteen_ and nothing's ever that big of deal when you're sixteen, especially not harmless crushes that won't go anywhere.

Blaine takes it too far sometimes, he knows that. He corners Kurt in the commons before winter break, asks him to sing a song. It's a flirty duet, there's no denying it, and Blaine knows it's kind of inappropriate to be leading him on, to be making it worse. Deep down though, Blaine knows it's more than that. Deep down, Blaine knows that he's sending Kurt a message. He's saying, _Don't forget about me over break. Don't forget about this feeling._ He wants to make sure Kurt doesn't move past this yet. He wants Kurt to still be clinging to whatever this is, clinging to hope that _hey maybe someday._ He knows it's that thought that's playing in Kurt's head like a broken record and Blaine's just trying to feed it to make sure it doesn't stop playing.

He feels kind of like a dick, partially because it's a selfish thing to do and partially because it's not who Blaine _is._ He's better than that, nicer than that even. But after he gets over feeling like an asshole, Blaine starts to realize what's actually going on, starts to figure out that he's not being an asshole, he's just falling for this kid.

Instead of making him feel better, he just feels worse. Kurt can afford to have a crush because he'll be fine when it's all said and done. If Blaine falls in love, he won't be able to say the same.

:::

Over break, Blain resolves to back off, to make things easier for Kurt. He resolves to not make everything worse than it already is.

But then they're packing up after a rehearsal for some potential Regionals songs and Kurt mentions that he's going to his step-brother's football game. Blaine invites himself along and is immediately irritated that he's broken his resolution this fast. He tries to justify it to himself: he thinks of Karofsky, thinks of Kurt being alone there, thinks that Kurt could use the moral support. To Kurt, he keeps it light hearted and keeps it about friendship; in his head he knows he's in denial and that it's an incredibly slippery slope.

He goes to the game and briefly meets Kurt's family. There's an awkward hug after a great play in the endzone and they both have a hard time looking away afterwards. Blaine pulls himself back and withdraws, reminding himself that he's the mentor and it's his responsibility to be mature about these kinds of things. It's his job to make sure this doesn't get out of hand. He glances at Kurt later, steals a few looks when Kurt's not paying attention. He sees Kurt's dad watching him and Blaine looks away immediately, reprimanding himself for not doing a better job.

He's a terrible mentor and an even worse friend.

:::

Blaine still doesn't back off and every time, he's more ashamed than the last time.

It's right before Valentine's Day and they're all at the mall. Then they're all singing and Blaine makes sure he's got Kurt attention. He stares at Kurt and says, _See all these illusions take us so long and I want it bad_. They watch each other and he says, _When I get you alone, when I get you, you'll know_. Kurt's flustered and flushed and Blaine's smiling at him and thinks that yeah, he'll feel bad about it later but now, he just wants to enjoy the moment. He wants to bask in the fact that Kurt's into him, that someone like Kurt could fall for someone like Blaine. It's kind of intoxicating.

And then Blaine remembers that Kurt's _not_ falling for him. It hits him suddenly, hits him when he remembers that it's not about that. It's about Kurt being sixteen and having a harmless crush on the first out kid he knows.

They go out for coffee a few days later. Blaine says a bunch of things he really can't convince himself to believe. He talks about being friends, talks about how important it is that Kurt has a support system, talks about how a relationship is the last thing Kurt needs right now. Blaine pretends to be a mentor.

Kurt looks devastated but hides it well. For a fraction of a second, Blaine thinks that maybe this _isn't_ a crush for Kurt, maybe it's something more. Hope flares up but then Kurt's smiling and agreeing and acting like it's better that way. His walls go up quick and easy like maybe he's used to this.

Then Blaine thinks maybe Kurt isn't _acting_ like he agrees, maybe he's just going through the process of getting past it, getting past Blaine. Maybe Blaine's wishful thinking is clouding his judgment.

Blaine saw this coming months ago but the thought doesn't comfort him.

:::

Kurt transfers back to McKinley. Karofsky's gone for good this time and Kurt's heading back to Lima. It plays out just like Blaine knew it would.

What he didn't take into account was how it would feel. All those months ago, he knew this is what it would come down to and he was fine with it; he _accepted_ it. But somewhere along the way, everything shifted and now Blaine couldn't care less about how right he was. He just wants Kurt.

And he hates how right he was because yeah, Kurt's moving on. There's no new shiny gay kid for Kurt to fall for but it doesn't change the fact that Blaine is yesterday's news. Blaine can see it all over Kurt's face. He's slowly retreating, backing away. He closes himself off a little. Not enough to be obvious to everyone else but Blaine feels the change. Kurt smiles less easy now and Blaine thinks back to the boy on the stairwell all those months ago. Kurt's different and Blaine's not sure whose fault it is.

:::

Then he's gone. Blaine calls him, thinks maybe they can still hang out like they used to back before Blaine messed everything up. Kurt doesn't answer much.

Blaine sends him lengthy Facebook messages about everything and nothing but gets little in the way of a response. Kurt gives as little as he can and Blaine feels ridiculous for being so desperate. Worse, he can't bring himself to stop. He calls and leaves lighthearted voicemails, he texts funny stories. He spends too much time wondering how things are where Kurt is, what school is like, how the new family is managing. He has so many things to ask Kurt, to tell him, to share but Kurt never gives Blaine the opportunity. Sometimes Blaine thinks it's better this way. He worries about what will happen when Kurt fully realizes that Blaine's in love with him, wonders if Kurt will pull away even more.

So he never says a word about it. He knows it's too risky.

He's embarrassed to admit it but there's a small part of him that thought maybe it could work for the two of them. There's this part of him that always wondered what would happen when Kurt wasn't broken anymore. Would he see Blaine there waiting for him?

It's already the week before Regionals and Blaine sadly realizes that Kurt's not broken anymore and Blaine is still waiting.

:::

Blaine sees him as Regionals. He's been trying to prepare for it. They're backstage and Kurt's there, he's real and tangible. Blaine hasn't seen him in weeks.

"Kurt," he calls out.

Kurt freezes but composes himself quickly and turns around. He gives Blaine a big smile; it's fake and Blaine can see right through it but Kurt almost _almost_ pulls it off.

"Hey!" he says. "How are you?"

The girls glance at him briefly and give a quick smile before they wave a goodbye to Kurt. And then Blaine's standing alone with him. They're standing a few feet away from each other and suddenly Blaine doesn't know what to say, forgets everything he's planned.

He thinks of answering Kurt, thinks of giving some blithe answer but he can't bring himself to do it. "You're avoiding me," he says instead.

"What?" Kurt laughs. He's stalling and they both know it.

"Kurt," he says. "Don't." He takes a step closer.

Kurt's smile falters briefly.

"You're avoiding me," Blaine repeats. "It's not a question. You don't answer any of my calls, you send me one word texts, and I never see you."

Kurt swallows. "I --"

He takes another step closer. "What?"

"Blaine," he sighs. "Let's talk about this later."

He shakes his head. "Let's talk about this _now_." And then as an afterthought, "Please?"

"What do you want from me?" he asks, voice a little shaky. Blaine feels terrible and completely, utterly responsible but doesn't know why.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," he says. "I know --"

Kurt cuts him off. "I needed some time, that's all."

Blaine watches him. "Space," he clarifies. "You wanted some space. From me."

Kurt shrugs. "It's not like that."

"It _is_ like that," he argues. "Why?"

"Blaine," he sighs and god, Blaine wishes he could stop pushing him because Kurt's clearly uncomfortable but he just _can't_.

"Tell me."

Kurt looks away quickly but then clenches his jaw and meets Blaine's eyes. "I'm trying to get over you," he says and Blaine can tell he's putting a lot of effort into keeping his voice steady. He does a pretty good job of it.

When Blaine doesn't say anything, Kurt takes a deep breath.

"I know we're friends and it's great and I'm fine with that. Or at least I will be," he says. "But I'm -- I was in love with you. Don't pretend you didn't know."

"I -- I wasn't going to," Blaine says softly. He _didn't_ know. And all he can focus on is Kurt's use of the past tense.

Kurt nods. "So I just needed some time to be okay with everything. We'll be friends, I promise. But I just had to get over you first."

"Are you?" he asks and it comes out too quick and much too sharp.

Kurt stares at him. "Blaine --"

Blaine waits. He's half expecting Kurt to lie to him, not that Blaine even knows what the truth is at this point.

"You have to -- it's just -- I need _time_ , Blaine."

Blaine's holding his breath for some reason. "What does that mean?"

Kurt's face is flushed and he looks completely embarrassed. "It means that I'm _trying_. I -- please don't play dumb. This is really humiliating, Blaine."

"Why?" he asks. He ignores the fact that his voice cracks.

Kurt lets out a soft, self-deprecating laugh. Blaine feels like an asshole.

"What do you mean ‘why'? It's embarrassing talking about this with you. I'm trying, I _am_ , but I just need more time." He lowers his eyes. "It's hard, okay? It's harder than I thought. It's never been like this before."

Blaine opens his mouth to say something, anything. He wants to say, _Don't get over me. I've been waiting for you to be ready._

Before he can say a word, Finn peeks around the corner. "Hey, Kurt! They're calling places." He looks between the two of them and a look of realization comes over his face. "Oh, sorry," he says before he disappears again.

Kurt smiles at him. It's small but it's real and Blaine thinks that's some kind of success.

"We'll hang out soon, okay?" he says and Blaine can only nod in response. "Good luck today."

Blaine watches him walk away and he feels sick.

:::

He takes the stage and finds Kurt in the crowd immediately. He has to squint against the bright lights but Kurt's watching him. Blaine doesn't look away.

They start with _Misery_ and Blaine idly wonders if he knew all along that it would come to this, if he had this whole scenario in mind when he chose it as his audition piece weeks ago for the Regionals solo. Sure, his voice is perfect for a Maroon 5 song and yes, the song can be expertly arranged for an a capella group but deep down he knows it's not either of those things. He chose this song because he knew he'd be standing on stage at Regionals singing a heartfelt song to a boy in the crowd, a boy from a rival school, the boy he's _in love with._

_I'm in misery,_ he sings, _your silence is slowly killing me_. Kurt looks straight at Blaine during the performance and never wavers. Blaine suddenly feels so vulnerable like this, completely and terrifying exposed. _It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show._

When the song is over, Kurt looks away.

:::

He finds Blaine backstage and corners him.

"What was that?" Kurt asks.

Blaine stares at him because this definitely wasn't the response he was expecting. "What?"

"You _have_ to stop doing these things," Kurt pleads. "It's not helping."

"What things?"

Kurt lets out a surprised laugh. "Blaine, come on. You're a nice guy so I know you're not doing it intentionally but you have this problem with boundaries. You can't do things like that to friends." He sounds so sad and somehow, Blaine feels like even more of an asshole.

"That's not -- I don't have a problem with boundaries," he argues.

"Yes, you do," Kurt laughs bitterly. "You're constantly touching and staring and god, Blaine, you _sing_. You sing love songs right to my face. It's just -- that's not okay. You're making it impossible."

"That's not a boundary problem," Blaine tells him, taking a few steps closer. "I do those things because I'm in love with you."

Kurt freezes. They stare at each other.

"You didn't know that?"

Kurt doesn't say anything.

"I thought maybe you knew."

Kurt blinks. "How would I know that, Blaine? All I remember is a conversation in a coffee shop with you telling me we should be _friends_. I remember you telling me that I shouldn't just jump into anything and that you wanted to be part of my support system." Blaine almost flinches because Kurt is practically hissing at him. "So how the hell would I know?"

Blaine swallows. "I just -- with the singing and -- I thought you had an idea at least."

Kurt sighs but his shoulders lose a little tension. "Why didn't you say something?"

Blaine shrugs. He thinks of saying, _Because you weren't ready_ or maybe, _I was trying to be a friend, a mentor_. But when it comes down to it, that's not entirely true. "I was -- I was scared," he admits.

"You think I'm not?" he scoffs. "I don't know what I'm doing, Blaine. I've never gone on a date or had a real kiss." His face is pink and he looks away.

Blaine takes a hesitant step forward. "I didn't know," he says. "I didn't think that's how you felt. I thought…" He trails off because he's not sure how to finish. He can't say, _I thought you just had a crush_ because it sounds completely patronizing. And he can't say, _I thought you were broken but I think it was just me_ because it sounds completely humiliating.

"I don't have a lot more experience than you do, Kurt. I was -- I don't know what I'm doing, either. I was too afraid to bring it up because I guess I was afraid of the answer."

"You were afraid?" Kurt asks, eyebrow raised. "You? You're like the most self-aware person I know. You're so sure all the time, so brave and confident."

Blaine laughs, quiet and bitter. "See, that's my point. I'm none of those things. You just think I am. Truth is, you're the bravest person I know."

Kurt's look softens. "So what now?" he whispers.

Blaine takes another step forward. "I want to take you on a date. I want to be your boyfriend. I want to hold your hand at the movies. I want to be allowed to kiss you at the end of the night." He thinks of a hundred other things he wants but they can go over the details later. "I just want _you_ , Kurt."

Kurt smiles at him then, smiles like he's been waiting his whole life to hear something like that. Blaine smiles back.


End file.
